


Had I Known(How Ta Save A Life)

by FlyAwayChild



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Book Spoilers, Depressed Thomas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Thomas, I Blame Pintrest, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I blame music, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Nightmares, Paradise, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, TDC!Spoilers, TMR!Spoilers, TST!Spoilers, The Flare, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Thomas sees Newt, WICKED | WCKD Is Good, What Have I Done, Worried Minho, i had too, post tdc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 16:18:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11993433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyAwayChild/pseuds/FlyAwayChild
Summary: He couldn't stop thinking about him. Strawberry blond hair, brown eyes, and a smile that was impossible to match. He saw him often, even though he wasn't there, in his dreams and while he ran. He saw him while he was helping tend the gardens and he saw him by the bonfire.He saw him, his Newt.And he saw the boy who begged for his death.





	Had I Known(How Ta Save A Life)

**Author's Note:**

> I own the story thats it sadly.  
> How Ta Save A Life -by The Fray  
> The Maze Runner series-James Dashner

Step one you say we need ta talk  
He walks, you say sit down  
Its just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through

He remembered it all so clearly no matter how much he wished he could forget. Wake up in the box all over again with only his name ta hold onto. He missed when that was his biggest concern. When everything around him was new and scared the hell out of him. He missed the moments when he and Newt would sit against the fallen tree and just talk while the noise of the fire was drowned out by the sounds of the boys. He never quite figured out what they were celebrating but a small part of him had found it relaxing back then, when everything was new and the safest thing he knew was the the british blond and the chubby boy with curly brown hair.

His heart lurched as he thought of Chuck, the promise he had made and broke, the sacrifice the 12 year old made as he shoved him away from the knife hurtling towards his chest. He remembered the scared kid that wanted his parents. The small wooden angel was still a heavy weight in his pocket, burning through the fabric, it was a constant reminder of what he failed ta do.

He remembered the blind rage he had flown into when he had seen Chuck on the floor with a knife in his chest. His blurred vision as he pounded into the larger boy that had killed the 12 year old he swore to protect...and all because WICKED had wanted ta see how they would react, another variable in the never-ending tests. The boys last words still haunted him some nights 'Its okay, T-Thanks you'

Some sort of window to you right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did i go wrong  
I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness  
And i would have stayed up With you all night  
Had i known oh ta save a life

He would have done anything ta protect the curly haired boy. He looked around at the bonfire that most of the immunes where around, the first thing they had done was establish order. Everyone had looked to him cause he was the leader-at least according to the signs that where all over Denver- and he had saved them so they saw him fit ta be leader, even though he though Minho could do the job just fine. They had gotten hunting partys together and the new runners from Group A and B would map out the area- he and Minho often had to stay behind to help keep things in order- Minho was with Brenda and Jorge at the moment, eating and talking, he was happy that Minho finally started ta open up around the two.

He saw how the Asian would sometimes stare at the girl

Frypan stood a little ways away with one of the younger immunes helping them learn how ta cook, the one boy reminded him of Chuck. Gally was with a rather large group that showed strong talents in the builder's profession and took them under his wing. He wasn't as bad as he used ta be, they could both have a decent conversation for more then five minutes and he saw that as progress, the swelling from the night he had beat the boy bloody was still there but in was slowly healing. He felt guilt wash over him as he remembered the boy Gally had been dating for 2 years while in the Maze, the last ear slitting screams Ben had uttered while the doors screeched shut was another ghost that haunted him. Another thing he knew Gally hated him for

He couldn't blame him

Newt had spent countless nights in the far off corner of the deadheads trying to convince him it wasn't his fault...that it wasn't the first time a Glader got banished for attacking someone but no matter how many times he told him he was wrong he still felt guilty for the boy's death.

Then again he felt guilty for a lot if things

Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try ta slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list if what is wrong  
The things you told him all along  
Pray ta god he hears you  
And i pray ta god he hears you

No matter how many times Newt told him that things hadn't been his fault, that Alby made his choice, no matter how many times Teresa claimed they were doing the right thing, it felt wrong. Winston, Jeff, Ben, Alby, Zart, Jack, Clint, Chuck, Teresa, Mary, Rachel, Janson and even George-Brenda's lost brother- could probably be linked back to him in some way no matter how anyone tried to slice it it was his fault.

His heart ceased at the though of the blond boy no older then 17, the one that had begged for his death...the one WICKED let him kill.

He still had ta tell the others, Gally Frypan and Minho, they would want ta know about what happened to there friend of 3 years...especially Minho

Where did i go wrong  
I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness  
And i would have stayed up  
With you all night had i known  
How ta save a life

As he begins ta raise his voice you lower yours  
And grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you follow  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit ta everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin ta wonder why you came

They hadn't ever fought, not once for the short time they were together, there where times they would get frustrated like when he insisted that something wasn't right with the people that "rescued" them from the maze and Newt had snapped at him a couple of times but that was expected...he had no plan while they were in the middle of nowhere with people hunting them down, everyone was bound ta be on edge.

Then the sand buried mall happened and Winston got sick, despite what WICKED told them about being immune and then they lost Winston completely. He understood why Newt had given his friend the gun, he didn't want ta turn into what made the world burst into catastrophe, he didn't want ta turn into a monster, he still struggled with the weight of it though, knowing that he wasn't able ta help the sadistic teen, he and Winston had never gotten along completely but they had grown close and to lose him had hurt. He remembered the last words Winston had spoken to him, laying on the makeshift cot with a small trail of blood and spit still dribbling down his chin, his tan skin pale and his body shaking as he clenched the gun in his hand tightly as he shook

/'Thank you.....now get outta here' he ordered lightly  
'Goodbye Winston'  
He watched Minho and Frypan kneel next to their friend as Newt retreated, Aris and Teresa following  
'Go' he said ta Minho, Frypan following sadly, slowly, after him whipping away a tear and grabbing his pack  
Winston looked at Thomas, the last one still there  
'Its okay'  
'I'm sorry' his lip quivered as he spoke, another friend he had failed, he picked up his pack stopping when Winston spoke weakly 'Thomas...take care of them'  
He nodded as he saw the small tear escaped down Winston's cheek and left ta follow his friends  
Newt was in front followed by Aris and Minho, Teresa was right behind them while Frypan followed at a slower pace, they stopped as a single shot rang out\

He still missed Winston's sick jokes about slicing up the piglets for dinner

He remembered the first time he ever saw frypan shed tears that night while they all sat by the fire, the cold compelling them ta sit close no matter how much they wanted ta grieve for their lost friend alone

/'I'd never thought I'd say it....but i miss the Glade'  
He stood and walked a little ways away, it was all his fault that so many had died, Newt joined him a with an understanding, saddened, look 'hey don't listen ta frypan alright, he's just lowing off steam we'll be alright' he doubted that  
'Newt were lost, if it wasn't for me none of you guys would be stuck out here'  
'Thomas, your the reason we're free, you went into the Maze and you found a way out'  
'yeah but if i hadn't then the others would still be alive'  
Newt gave him a stern look, one that promised great things, better things 'maybe but all i know is that a lot of our friends have died for us ta get this far and the least we can do for them is keep going, we can't give up, you can't give up' he sent him a soft loving look 'i won't let you'  
Thomas considered what his boyfriend said '....thanks Newt'  
'Anytime Tommy'\

Where did i go wrong  
I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness  
And i would have stayed up  
With you all night  
Had i know how ta save a life

Things were so bad and had gotten so much worse, group B was set on killing him on Teresa's order and Aris had gone with it despite the few memories he gained from it, the betrayal had been so much worse and he didn't know what to do or how to handle it

The betrayal meant he couldn't trust her anymore, and his heart told him he couldn't forgive her...he wanted to but it was just to hard.

His attention was drawn to Brenda as she laughed with Minho and Jorge, it was the first times he saw any of them laugh in a while and it felt good to hear it. Especially Minho's, he, Newt and Alby had been the closest of friends he could remember ever seeing and something told him he hadn't seen it before he lost his memories either. Alby had nearly gotten stuck in the Maze while saving Newt and Minho had gotten stuck in the Maze while helping Alby, refusing ta leave his friend behind, even though he had panicked anyway. He wasn't looking forward ta Minho's reaction ta when he finds out about what happened ta his accented friend.

He winced the memory still so fresh and painful, raw. Denver was still so new he hadn't processed all of it yet, just the major parts.

Just the parts he couldn't forget

He was upset that Mary had died and Vince had been inconsolable, rushing into the WICKED compound headfirst. He had killed one of Janson's men, and so many had died while getting out of the Maze, people getting crushed and trapped with no time ta help them or they would all die, young kids and old adults. Teresa knowing how ta shut off the grievers for good even when she got sucked into the gooy blob of one. The fight that took place as the building collapsed around them. He dimly remembered Minho and Gally pulling him away from a flare crazed Janson as he chocked the man ta death. The mad dash to the flat trans and at the last moment Teresa pushed him out of the way of a slab of concrete that pinned down the lower half of her body and her left arm, they couldn't hear each other as they spoke but they knew what was being said

/'i'm sorry' he couldn't hear himself think let alone speak. The building was rocked as another explosion shook the compound  
'im sorry....only ever cared....' her eyes grew distant and hollow, lifeless and he screamed cause the world was collapsing and all that really mattered to him then was that she was still alive, her, Aris, Minho, Frypan, Gally, Jorge and Brenda cause they were all he had left. He had screamed and tears tracks ran down his face leaving clean spots as they washed away soot and blood. Minho and Brenda had dragged him away and Brenda, the last one to come through the silver shimmery connection to the compound, closed the entre and burned the hut it resided in to the ground. Sealing them off from the rest of their world forever

Where did i go wrong  
I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness  
And i would have stayed up  
With you all night had i know  
How ta save a life

His though drifted of to Newt the blond boy with brown eyes that had begged and cried and pleaded with him, the boy he loved. He remembered all the things they said to each other, the violent threats Newt had aimed at him, hoping for death....telling him about his limp

/'i hated that place, Tommy. Every second of every day. And it was all...your....fault!! He was startled when Newt twisted around and grabbed Thomas by the hand....the hand holding he gun. He yanked it towards himself, forcing it up until the end of the pistol was pressed against his own forehead. "Now make amends, kill me before i become one of those cannibal monsters! Kill me! I trusted you with the note. No one else, now do it!!'  
He tried ta pull away but Newt had always been stronger then him 'I cant, Newt, i can't' he didn't wanna kill the boy he loved, crank or not  
'Make amends! Repent for what you did' the words tore into him, sharp and deep, his whole body trembled as his voice dropped to a harsh whisper  
'Kill me, you shuck coward. Prove you can do the right thing put me outta my misery'  
The words horrified he, this wasn't his Newt  
'Newt, maybe we can-'  
'Shut up!! Just shut up! I trusted you, now do it'  
'I can't'  
'Do it!'  
'I can't' how could he ask him ta do something like this, how could he kill the person he loved most  
'Kill me or i'll kill you. Kill me...do it!!'  
'Newt...'  
'do it before i become one of them!'  
'I...'  
'KILL ME' and then his eyes cleared as if he had gained one last trembling grasp of sanity, his voice was soft and full of love, his voice was clear 'Please, Tommy, please'  
And with his heart falling into the black abyss Thomas pulled the trigger\

He jerked as tears made there way down his face and the world suddenly came back into focus, his friends where standing around him worriedly while the immunes watched warily.

Minho was kneeling on his left looking so lost that it hurt Thomas more.

How ta save a life

"Thomas whats wrong man, whats going on" the buff asian said pulling Thomas close in a comforting embrace

"Its all my fault Minho...t-there dead because of me, i killed them, i killed him"

He pulled his friend closer "Thomas, listen to me. Carefully, none if what happened is your fault, Alby and Teresa, Chuck and Winston, they all made their choice, you didn't force them ta kill themselves, they did it ta save us, they loved us and they wouldn't want ta see you like this...Newt wouldn't want ta see you like this"

"He's dead too Min, and its all my fault, i pulled the trigger i read the note he left me, i killed him" he practically shouted, no matter what Minho said it didn't change anything

"Thomas what do you mean, he's dead too"

"On my way to the compound, i saw him, begged him ta come with me, ta let me help him but he wouldn't listen" he sobbed " he attacked me and yelled and screamed Minho, he was already passed the gone, he begged and cried, he told me about his limp and said i needed ta make amends an no matter how much i tried ta reason with him he wouldn't listen" His voices cracked

"Thomas, what happened"

"He started begging, like Winston, he didn't want to become one of them, he wasn't our Newt, Minho he attacked me and threatened ta kill me. He wasn't our Newt and that made it so much worse...." he trailed off slightly "i can still hear his last words and i remember him looking into my eyes and it was our Newt suddenly, Please Tommy, Please..."

Where did i go wrong  
I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness  
And i would have stayed up  
With you all night  
Had i known  
How ta save a life

He pushed away from his broad chested friend and was standing in a heart beat, and he just as quickly took off, rushing past Harriet, Sonya and Aris. He could hear footsteps behind him and he knew it was Minho, he was the only other immune that could keep up when he ran like this, off of nothing but raw energy and pure emotion and even then, Minho's footfalls grew dimmer as he kept going, sprinting for as far as he could, ta the only place that he could think of, the large cliff dropped for miles in what would defiantly be a fatal fall, he couldn't live with what he'd done not even a week ago. For as long as he could remember Newt was the glue that held him together.

Where did i go wrong  
I lost a friend somewhere  
Alone in the bitterness  
And i would have stayed up  
With you all night  
Had i known  
How ta save a life

He arrived at the cliff within moments, stepping right up to the edge without a moments hesitation or a fear of falling, he could still hear footsteps and people calling his name bit he didn't care, Minho was a better leader then him and he had the others

How ta save a life

Without Newt Thomas would fall apart and everytime he lost a friend a piece of him broke, the only thing holding his broken parts together was glue. But now the glue was cracked and chipped and he had nothing left ta lose. He looked over his shoulder with a soft smile as Minho as he emerged from the tree line and just like that he was gone, tumbling over the edge as screams filled the air, they weren't his.

How ta save a life

**Author's Note:**

> So how'd i do, the movie and book mash-up has always interested me so i decided to see how it would go so if you haven't seen the movie and read the book then i probably doesn't make a lot of sense but I'm proud of it. Thanks for reading and if you have any suggestions on Maze Runner works to add to the series hit me up
> 
> Winterhawk.E23@gmail.
> 
> -Mischief Managed-


End file.
